PALM SPRINGS, PALM SPRINGS...
AND THE KNIGHTS FIRST GOLF INVITATIONAL BADDOG CUP!
PART 1:

I want everyone to reflect upon how many times this vast universe allows you an opportunity to enjoy a ONCE IN A LIFETIME experience.

C'mon, let's think about this one...

Your first juicy hamburger and large vanilla shake?

Your first time to Disneyland with kids of your own?

Your first time in snow?

Your first visit to Las Vegas and winning?

Your first time golfing in a sandstorm/hurricane AND LOVING IT!

Oh my goodness, what a FIRST for the Knights and their newest production:

The Palm Springs Invitational and BadDog Cup...and what a memory we have for the FIRST ONE!

Remember these facts well, as they will forever live in The Big Book of Knights Lore That Came Before:

Date: Friday, March 14
Place: Cimarron Golf Club, Palm Springs, California
Time: 1:00 pm
Event: The First Annual Knights Golf Invitational BadDog Cup

Question: Who is the only human on earth crazier than an avid golfer?
Answer: An avid golfer who has pre-paid his green fees.
Reason: One pays for 18 holes, one plays the 18 holes.

I wish you all could have been in the clubhouse prior to beginning the Knights Invitational.

There was the BadDog himself with BJ (Big John) Yule at the registration table giving out goodie bags to all who were golfing.

Munchies galore were in our bags along with sleeves (a term I picked up) of golf balls, all included in the fee.

As they joyfully registered our golfers, I happened to watch a couple of SUV's off the I-10 Interstate fly by the window of the club, looking as if they were taking off from P.S. airport.

Thinking I was on my way to the Land Of Oz, I began looking for Dorothy, Toto and the Wicked Witch of the West...I'm sure I saw the house go by.

Naturally, I brought my concerns to BJ Yule who immediately turned himself into the meteorologist for Eyewitness News and I watched in amazement as he looked out the window and studied the growing cloud formations relative to the mountain passes which were relative to the ocean currents which were relative to the sand dune formations which were relative to the plains of Oklahoma (where he attended college) on a football weekend as they were related to the fabled Palm Springs Tram and Go Cart Rides for children 13 and under.

All those calculations took only mere seconds to process in BJ's brain and, in an instant, he pronounced that the Winds and the Muses of Greek tragedies themselves were favorable for Playing Golf.

I know I felt a lot better knowing an old pro like BJ was ready to venture out there with me. I hate thinking that people are watching from the clubhouse thinking that I am the only STUPID one out there.

I grabbed some duct tape to wrap around my hat and my head to ensure I wouldn't lose either one and began for the door.
As I opened the door, I was hit with a blast of wind and sand that must have come from the Sahara Desert and I was immediately gripped with a sense of fear and foreboding when I suddenly realized that EVERYONE who actually OWNED their own golf clubs were smiling and laughing and eating lunch and buying more golf gear in the pro shop (as if they needed more) and REALLY getting ready to go out and PLAY GOLF!

It was really surreal.

I mean, Chris and Chris Ball looked like they were getting ready to go sightseeing in Wonderland!

Just think, at one time, I thought they were both a pretty level headed couple.

I guess I forgot to factor in the golf thing.

I went to the golf cart area and the BadDog gave me and Dave Miya our cart and our starting hole assignment. We then all made a trucker's convoy of golf carts down the pretty paths on the golf course to our first (which was really the second) hole.

By this time, the wind was howling, the sand was sandblasting, and the golfers were GOLFING?

"Let's see. 135 yards from the hole, wind blowing downwind at 80 miles an hour, two bunkers on the left, one on the right. Two skinny trees just blown out of the ground, leaving two monster divots. Be careful there. Two clouds will obscure the sun in exactly 65 seconds and the temperature is 42 degrees, humidity at 85%. Greens are at right angles with the hole sitting exactly 12 feet from the fringe. Normally, this would be a wedge, but in these conditions, I'll try a 2 iron to keep it low. Yes, that's what's called for."

Then, after all that, they all get together for a conference on the conference that the guy had with himself to make the decision on what club he'll use ON OUR FIRST HOLE and HE'S THE FIRST GOLFER IN OUR GROUP TO HIT!
MULTIPLY THIS PROCEDURE WHEN THE OTHER TWO GO TO HIT THEIR BALLS AND YOU CAN SEE HOW I SUFFERED THAT DAY!

ENOUGH ALREADY! CAN'T YOU GUYS SEE THAT KATRINA HAS BEEN REBORN HERE IN PALM SPRINGS? WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!

WHO HAS THE NUMBER TO FEMA? ANYONE HEARD OF CATEGORY 5?

I am now of the firm opinion that playing 18 holes of golf would undoubtedly take about 45 minutes IF EVERYONE WOULD JUST HIT THE BALL and eliminate the two C's...calculations and conversations.

Has anyone seen the movie DR.STRANGELOVE and watched that most famous scene where Slim Pickens hops onto the A-Bomb as it is dropped and rides it down ya-hooing and laughing hysterically all the way to it's target?

Well...that was the BadDog on Friday.

I once tried to see BadDog Billings playing behind us through the sandclouds that obscured our vision but to no avail. Though he was only a mere hundred yards or so behind us, my vision couldn't penetrate the thick shroud of sand that swirled around us.

I could HEAR him though as his voice pierced the afternoon with shouts of glee as he hit shot after incredible shot through the hurricane to land softly near the hole.

How about Hi-C (High Class) Michael Atashi doing his best to recreate MR TOADS WILD RIDE on the golf course with his golf cart.

Picture Hi-C, with a big, thick cigar hanging out of his mouth, a fearless look in his eyes, and a defiant attitude in his demeanor; racing his vehicle over hill and dale trying to beat the ball he just hit to the hole. Rumor has it that the C-Man just missed skiing down the gorge using his golf cart as a snowboard!

Wow! He's my new hero!

At this point, I want you all to know that BadDog and Hi-C were not the only lunatics out there that day. We sent 9 foursomes out there and I hear that 9 foursomes finished 18 holes of golf!

Later, in the clubhouse, as I shook the sand from my body like a dog shakes off water after a bath; I listened as these GOLFERS told tale after tale of how they had to ADJUST their games and shared information for the next time they encounter such conditions. THE NEXT TIME? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

WHO ARE THESE GUYS ANYWAY?

As bad as the conditions were, BadDog Billings made sure that the EVENT was a smash hit.

Once safely in the clubhouse, the drinks flowed, and the Mexican style buffet was more than filling. BadDog made sure that there was good food and plenty of it.

As you may guess, this tournament was no little Micky Mouse deal.

BadDog made sure that Tiger Woods could have played here and been impressed. Next time, I wouldn't put it past the Dog to HAVE the Tiger play with us.

I mean the BadDog personally gathered over $2000 worth of raffle prizes to give away for our enjoyment.

Golf bags, drivers, irons, golf gear, etc. were all won for a mere $20 worth of tickets. Didn't Guy Candido walk away with a brand new Sasquatch driver?

I've never seen a golf club that big!

How about the silent auction merchandise?

• A Kobe Bryant signed ball in beautiful display case. E-bay lists it for over $600, but Kenji of the Boys 3rd "won" it for $350 (thanks dad for upping the bid)

• A Jerry West signed ball in beautiful display case.

• 4 passes to Disneyland and 4 passes to Club 33 AND a $250 gift certificate for dinner there
  And on and on and on.
   

All for the new Knights Foundation that both BadDog and BJ are setting up for the benefit of youth in our club and our area.

And you guys all thought the money was going to the Knights.

In a way, it is, though.

If our boys and girls help in a Beach Clean-Up, the Foundation will sponsor a party for them.

If our boys and girls volunteer in a charitable drive, the Foundation will help.

The BadDog and BJ do have HUGE hearts and great golf games, and both were quite evident this past weekend.
Believe it or not, but there are already golfers asking us to reserve them a spot at NEXT YEAR'S event...and many of those requests are from other club's dads who happened to HEAR the type of tournament and event that the BadDog throws; especially the now famous perk of a BEER CART that Coach Jason DeBenedictis drove all over the place providing beer and soft drinks and water to all our brave, windblown golfers.

Great job BadDog. You are a Knights dynamo of incredible energy and we are soooooo lucky to have you.

And while we are at it...behind (and in this case, in front of) every successful man there is a woman and WE ALL owe a great big THANKS and dose of appreciation to Ed's wife, Andrea.

Ed is like that Clydesdale horse that pulls the wagon in the Rose Parade...and Andrea is the one who follows cleaning up after him and making sure everything work to perfection.

Thanks Drea.

One last thing.

Ed bought a Cup the size of Manhattan Island for the winner of the First Annual.

Guess who won it?

The BadDog, his son and new Knights Golf Stud Dino were half the winning combo; BJ's son and Knight Boys 7th Eric, and friend Mark were the other half; shot a 65 on that course on that day.

Gotta take your hat off to the BadDog.

I would, but the duct tape and hat is still stuck in my hair.

Thanks Ed.

See you next year.